Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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