I will die if light touches me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
