I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Congratulations! We have a period
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
