How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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