I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
