She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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