So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You ate ashes out of my bong
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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