dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
