giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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