she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
