Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
