hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
