Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
