Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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