But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
