Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
