dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
