I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
