And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
