it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
