But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
