I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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