But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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