Swine flu. Run for my life!
Non-Jews are for practice
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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