i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
