Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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