The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
