Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
