I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
