all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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