I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
