Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just come out here and I will go home with you...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
