I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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