the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
