I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
