I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
