apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
