the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
