Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
