at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
