if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
