and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Let's get the cat blown out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
