I need help removing her.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Text me some of your sweat
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
