i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
