That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
