Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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