I met the friendliest cop last night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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