There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
