how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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