Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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