you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
