It's Friday. Sex?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
