ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So apparently I’m into choking now
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