Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
