I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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